On Being Sensitive, Weakness, & “Feeling Too Much” – Reality of being a Highly Sensitive Person

To him 

a touch is a blow,

a sound is a noise, 

a misfortune is a tragedy, 

a joy is an ecstasy, 

a friend is a lover, 

a lover is a god, 

and failure is death.

– Pearl Buck

There is a stigma that people who are emotional, highly sensitive, or “feel too much” are inherently weak. I would argue that these people are among the strongest individuals to exist. In fact, approximately 20% of the population is highly sensitive.

As an emotional empath and highly sensitive person (HSP) myself, I have struggled with the criticism of being overly emotional my entire life. Growing up, my teachers told me I needed to engage more and stop letting little nuances affect me. Now as an adult, I often find myself sobbing at the slightest bit of confrontation, and most of all, I have and continue to struggle with not making other people’s problems my problems. I was sure that others had to feel everything as deeply as I do, but I was only trying to comfort myself from the reality that not everyone is similar, and perhaps I am part of the minority.

I feel everything. It isn’t something that I choose or want for myself. I can never “turn it off” as if I have control over it. Emotions overcome me like tsunamis; everything is calm, and the next minute I’m harboring my feelings, other people’s feelings, and the world around me as I take it all in.

However, it was only recently that I made this discovery about myself and I can say that it is both a blessing and a curse.

Reflecting on my childhood and recalling specific moments that have strongly impacted me, it is now clear that I have exhibited signs of being an empath and HSP from an early age.

According to the Highly Sensitive Person Foundation, some of the characteristics of an HSP are:

• Being easily overwhelmed by stimuli, such as lights, scents, and rough fabrics
• Becoming anxious when having a lot to do in a little amount of time
• Avoiding violence in the media, such as movies, TV shows, and the news
• Needing to retreat to a quiet, dark, and/or private place during particularly busy days
• Prioritize the avoidance of distressing or overwhelming situations
• Notice and/or enjoy subtle or delicate scents, sounds, or art
• Having a rich and vibrant inner life
• As a child, was often viewed as sensitive or shy by parents, teachers, or other adults

Now, no list is all-inclusive, but when reading the above points for the first time, I couldn’t help but nod furiously and think “Yes, I can relate to all of them!” For the first time in my life, I finally felt understood.

Growing up is already a confusing and challenging experience, but on top of it all, I had to deal with my excess of emotions while trying to figure out where my place in this world was. I would be lying if I said I currently have it all sorted out and know where I belong. What I have realized, however, is that, like most things in life, every aspect that makes being an HSP difficult also comes with some wonderful rewards. In my particular case, the positives overpower the negatives and make it all worth it.

One of the more prominent aspects of being an HSP is having strong responses toward stimuli; as a result, crying and tears aren’t unusual. A common example is that I often find myself crying at dog commercials regardless if they’re meant to be sad, and the mood resulting from it follows me throughout the day. On the other hand in feeling negative things deeply, I also feel positive things deeply. The simple or trivial pleasures of life regularly bring me joy. Stepping on a crunchy autumn leaf, listening to my favorite song, or having someone smile at me are acts that can instantly make my day.

“You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy.”

 –Andrea Gibson // “The Nutritionist”

HSPs are often known to be well-versed and valuable when it comes to advice giving. Lending a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen repeatedly make them the preferred person in friend groups or social circles to help deal with other’s conflicts. This is due to the highly empathetic and compassionate nature HSPs have. In addition to being wonderful listeners and attuned in guidance, HSPs tend to be naturally giving, due to their ability to pick up on other’s emotions and see things from their point of view.

I know these things to be true for me personally. Within in my social circle, I am often deemed “the mom” and am the first person my peers consult when seeking advice. It’s a wonderful thing to have my input valued, but it does become emotionally tiring to constantly have my attention demanded. I’ve even been in situations where complete strangers have found my demeanor comforting and have “dumped” their problems on me before leaving never to be seen again. And of course, I find it extremely difficult to say no when asked to lend a helping hand to those who ask.

This has been a source of guilt for me throughout the years. I know that I have to prioritize my own health and well-being, but the thought of denying a friend or loved-one comfort in a time of need makes my heart ache. But here’s what I’ve realized: you can still provide support to those you love without compromising your mental health. I used to think that in order to be there for someone, I had to sacrifice all of my emotions until I felt drained; filling them up with all I had until there was nothing left for myself.

It is common for empaths and HSPs to be exploited by others around them. To others, our caring nature is inviting, and our desire to please others makes us perfect targets for this emotional manipulation.

“I care. I care a lot. It’s kind of my thing.”

 –Leslie Knope // “Parks and Recreation”

In a society where outgoing, highly productive individuals are viewed as the only type of people who can be successful, it comes as no surprise that HSPs (and introverts alike) often feel incompetent or useless in response to their resilient peers, which makes it difficult for them to fit into society. While being outgoing and highly productive are great qualities to have when entering the workforce, it is important to note that HSPs also have their strengths.

According to Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D, in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, she notes that HSPs are needed in the top tiers of an organization, as well as society as a whole, in order to help prevent the abuse of power and force, while also providing their intuition in decision making, rather than relying on impulse alone.

“Sensitive people suffer more, but they love more and dream more.”

 – Agusto Cury

Our retrospective and quiet nature have some benefits. While everyone else is so go, go, go with their lives, HSPs, due to their need to recharge and process what happens around them, have more opportunities to express compassion and leave their heads up in the clouds.

While being a highly sensitive person in a world that prioritizes the energetic and aggressively enterprising can be a tiresome and daunting experience, it is important to remember that everyone has a role to fulfill in this world. Whether you are a fellow HSP (hi!) or fall somewhere else on the sensitivity spectrum, we all are important, which is the most influential point I can make in this post.

*Author’s note: 

Writing this piece has been such a challenge for me personally; this “passion-piece” as I like to call it, has been a work in progress for over a year. I wanted the information I shared to be accurate and reliable, while also maintaining a sense of tenderness without losing credibility. As a highly sensitive person, it is difficult for me to share my feelings, but I knew that it would help me (and hopefully others) grow as an individual, as well as gain confidence in being deemed “weak” throughout my life. In researching this article I have learned so much about being sensitive and how I function in this world. Most importantly I have realized that being overly sensitive is OK, and at times even beneficial. Thank you for taking the time to read this personal piece of my life!