I’m Nervous & That’s OK

As I’m typing this, I’m sitting at my gate, less than an hour from boarding my flight to London.

I’ve said farewell to my parents, made it through security without a hitch, & am probably dehydrated with all the crying I have done.

I’m nervous. I cannot really pinpoint what exactly I am nervous about. Flying? Being in a foreign country? Traveling on my own? Culture shock? Probably all of the above.

But I have realized that being nervous is OK. It means that I care about this journey. I have a lot of feelings about this trip.

Caring & feeling a lot can only mean I am going to have a grand time because I am all-in.

I sobbed when I parted ways with my parents & still get a bit weepy thinking about them. But I know this homesickness & nervousness will pass because soon I will be too preoccupied with all of the amazing moments that London will fill my life with.

So if you’re nervous for a trip, just know that when you land you will be embarking on an amazing journey.

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Feelings & Expectations for London // Pre-Departure

As I write this post, I am currently sitting at my local Starbucks where the baristas know me by name, familiarity & comfort at its finest. I currently am in this limbo where I am excited for my trip but also in great fear of the changes about to come. And although my emotions are not even near stable, I thought it would be necessary to discuss my feelings & expectations for the city I am about to live in.

I haven’t even left yet & already I miss everything familiar to me. This trip is the flagship moment in my life where I am going to experience independence in full-force. My dad won’t be with me to help with my luggage, my mom won’t be behind my shoulder reminding me to eat, & as trivial as those things sound, being accustomed to having my parents around to suddenly having to be self-sufficient, is a bit jarring. After all, I will be in a new city where everything is foreign, & that alone is more change I have experienced in my lifetime.

I have lusted after & loved the city of London for many years, watching movies & reading books pretending that I am there as well. One of my biggest fears about studying abroad in London is that I have built up my expectations so far & high, that once I arrive I may realize that everything I believed & dreamed of is not true.

Now, I am sure I am exaggerating & I will have a lovely time. But just so I can see how these feelings & expectations compare at the end of my trip, here is a list of ten things I hope to experience:

  1. I really hope I can live through what my mother calls “four weathers in a day” that she claims London is notorious for.
  2. With that said, I hope it rains a lot & I don’t get sick of it. I adore the rain & have packed boots & a nice coat in preparation & would like to see if I like rain in theory, or if I can really live in it.
  3. I hope I don’t experience London & my other travels through my phone screen. Although having pictures are nice, those won’t compare to the experience of living in that exact moment.
  4. I hope I get comfortable enough with the city that other people will think to ask me for directions!
  5. Make at least one friend that is a London native. Try to establish a friendship that will last even when I come back stateside.
  6. Go exploring by myself at least once a week. Become comfortable & confident in traveling alone.
  7. Go to at least one concert or show.
  8. Try one food item that scares me.
  9. Become sufficient in riding the Tube.
  10. See the Queen. (It’s a long shot, but hey, here’s to hoping!)

Will I accomplish everything on this list? Maybe, maybe not. But by the end of this trip, I hope to have gained a broader perspective about the world around me, & about myself as a person. I’ll check this list again once I have come home & reflect on how my feelings have changed & what expectations have been met!

Here’s to a grand adventure awaiting,

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London Calling // Pre-Departure Playlist

Music is such a powerful medium; it can elicit feelings, retrieve memories, & even bestow some inspiration.

Going to London is by far the most exciting & fear-inducing endeavor thus far in my life, & with such emotions, I figure that music is the best way to articulate how I feel.

Below is my Pre-Departure playlist, London Calling, with songs that chronicle the feelings I currently have in the months leading up to my trip. I will most likely add to it as more songs impact me & hope that you will enjoy it, if you are a study abroad student or traveler alike.

 

Look forward to future playlists: Walking Down Piccadilly Circle // In London & London’s Goodbyes // Coming Home

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Surreal.

12513586_10205380292573955_759643167418523384_oJust last week I was messaging my sister that I was thinking about applying for the study abroad program & now I am going to London. I am going to live in London.  It still has not fully sunk in that in the Fall of this year I will be on a plane flying to the one city I have lusted over for so many years.

Excitement is an understatement for the emotions I currently harbor, however, there is that minuscule bit of anxiety that lingers.

I have lived at home with my parents my whole life, which, if I am being honest, has not conditioned me for this experience. I don’t know how to be on my own & that scares me. But with the fears, I know how wonderful of an adventure this will be.

I am sure that I will get lost trying to figure out how to ride the Tube, forget that Dollars & Pounds are not equivalent, & will probably get criticized a few times for calling “chips” by the term “french fries.”

I’ll never know how to be alone until I finally go out there & do it. I will probably cry at the airport, on the plane, the first night, maybe even the first week, probably every time I speak to my parents, but it will be a testament of my growth as a person.

If you had told me one year ago that I would be living in London rather than just dreaming about it, I’d laugh out loud. Never could I have imagined that someone like me, dependent, anxious, timid, would ever do such a grand thing as studying abroad.

I am afraid, but more than anything, I am ready for this period of growth.

“A goal should scare you a little, and excite you a lot.”

Joe Vitale

 

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